#1 – Keep the Holidays “Happy”

The word “happy” can set the expectation that everything is supposed to be perfect. Well, guess what? Expectations are the death of happiness. When we are angry, frustrated, or disappointed, it’s usually because our expectations and reality are out of alignment. Just remember, you are doing a kick-ass job. Take time to pat yourself and others on the back for all of the things that have been accomplished.

Focus on the delicious moments, celebrate what’s most important, and be kind to yourself. If we use perfection as our litmus test for happiness, we end up missing the boat. Make progress your target for success instead.

#2 – Presence > Presents

We spend at least fifty percent of our waking time mind-wandering and not focused on the present moment. When our mind wanders, we lose touch with the present and go into endless thought loops about the past or future. While doing his PhD research at Harvard, Matt Killingsworth invented an iPhone app called Track Your Happiness that captures feelings in real time. He collected over 650,000 real-time reports from more than 15,000 people. He found that people are substantially less happy when their minds are wandering than when they’re not. In fact, as it turns out, people are less happy when they’re mind-wandering no matter what they’re doing.

You can get in to more of the data from the study by watching his TED Talk. Being present with others doesn’t just mean time spent. It means being intentional and deliberate about your actions; bringing your full self to the interaction. Remember the reason for the season and cherish your loved ones.

#3 – Define Success and Work Backwards

Pretend you could wave a magic wand. When you go back to work after the holidays – after the family visits, parties, and a few too many cookies – how would you like to see things at work and at home? Work backwards from there. It’s easy to get busy being busy. The question “What do I want my life to look like?” is enormous and scary. But let’s face it, we’re choosing our direction every day, every hour.

All too often, we land somewhere, draw a bull’s eye around ourselves, and declare it a victory rather than deliberately taking time to identify where we want to end up and creating a clear path to get there.

#4 – Create a system of accountability

Accountability simply means ownership. If you own something, you authorize yourself to take control of it, and immediately change from being a victim to being in the driver’s seat. Many people say “But I can’t make that change because…” Inaction is still a choice.

It’s not: I can’t work out because I’m already working 18 hour a day.
It’s: I choose to not make working out a priority.

Do you take ownership of relationships, projects, problems, and solutions? Do you own the choices you make each day? Set deadlines, enlist support, gather needed resources, but whatever you do, always keep your promises to yourself.

#5 – Allow Yourself to Hit Reset

For over 6 years, we had an in-home caregiver to help with our son, Evan, and he had such a calming presence. After an episode or a difficult interaction, Michael would literally send us to opposite ends of the house and tell us all to reset. To start fresh. He reminded us to focus on what’s really important – our family, our love, our health, future, and our priorities.

A reset is about perspective. How we choose to interpret a situation dictates our response and our brain chemistry matches it. There are family dynamics that cause anxiety, rushing around to finish last minute tasks at work and home, kids out of school that need to be entertained, and financial pressure. Throw in a healthy dose of self-judgment for any goals or resolutions where you might have fallen short, and then we beat ourselves up. You’re human. Take it one day at a time and be proud of yourself when you succeed at achieving clarity amidst chaos. You can choose to reset at any time.