Last week while stopped at a red light, there was a man with a sign asking for money. We’ve all seen these folks, and there signs usually read, “Will work for food” or “Hungry, please help”. This gentleman’s sign was different. His sign read, “Road Rage? Yell At A Homeless Guy! 50 cents O.B.O.!” I actually laughed out loud. I rolled down my window, shook his hand, and gave him a dollar. I typically give a bottle of water or a granola bar, but I figured that if he got me to laugh out loud, he earned it.
Whether it is a sign, a request, or an everyday conversation, the way we say something is often far more important than what we actually say. While this certainly sounds like common sense, it’s definitely not common practice. If we want results, we have to be conscious about the way we communicate.
For example, let’s say my boss asks me to do a task that I don’t have time to do. I have a couple of options: I could say, “I’m already completely overloaded and stressed. I just can’t do it”
Or
“Sure! I have a list of projects that I’m working on. Let me get it and you can help me determine where this task should go in order of priority.”
See the difference? One is complaining, victim mentality, and negative. The other is positive, solution-oriented, and involves the supervisor in helping to determine task priorities.
This concept holds true with our children, partners, family members, and friends as well. Sometimes, rather than being negative, the responses are passive aggressive, and in either case, they are not effective.
So this week, I am going to hold a competition for a FREE behavior style assessment ($50 value)! This is a state-of-the-art behavioral assessment that describes an individual’s internal traits and behavioral tendencies. This assessment is an extremely powerful tool in terms of its ability to help the individual recognize their own strengths and needs. We use this tool all over the country to improve communication and help take teams to the next level. The assessment provides the following information:
- Individual Report – Individual strengths and opportunities for improvement in the areas of productivity, quality of work, initiative, teamwork, and problem solving
- Coaching Report – Specific coaching strategies for each individual
- Graphical Summary – Specific scores in each behavior style category
I’m going to list several statements that might be typical of ones that we would say. The competition will be for you to re-work the sentences to make the response positive, solution-oriented, and assertive. The person with the best responses will win the assessment. I will share the best responses and announce the winner in next week’s post!
How can you re-word these statements to make them more effective? Please send me your responses in a comment on the blog rather than emailing me directly.
- Why can’t you help around the house more?
- You said you would take care of this. It’s still not done?
- I don’t know why Bambi said that. She always gives the wrong information.
- What do you want me to do about it? It’s not even my job.
- Will you stop being so negative? You’re really bringing me down!
Good Luck!
P.S. I just wanted to say THANK YOU again to everyone who donated, walked, and supported our efforts this year. Our team raised $3,105 and exceeded our goal! NAMI Austin raised, $174,281, and we’re hoping there are still donations trickling in so that we can meet our goal of $175,000.
As of now, Evan has good moments and not so good moments. We are certainly better than we have been, but we are far from where we need to be. Unfortunately, there are just more questions than answers for his illness right now. Please continue to keep him in your prayers.
Thanks again for your continued support!
Why can’t you help around the house more?
If we work together to knock out the house work, we’ll have more time to relax
and enjoy some quality time together.
You said you would take care of this. It’s still not done?
We’re approaching your deadline for this project; let’s take a quick review and
identify where we can advance our progress.
I don’t know why Bambi said that. She always gives the wrong information.
I have not discussed this development with Bambi; let’s all sit down, put
everything on the table, and ensure we’re all on the same page.
What do you want me to do about it? It’s not even my job.
This is a good observation/idea; let’s pull in all the team members and run it up
the flag pole.
Will you stop being so negative? You’re really bringing me down!
I understand your pessimism, let’s review the issue and see where you/we can
have the most, if any, impact.
Hi Charles,
Great job! Please call me at 512-821-1111 to schedule your assessment!
Wow! What a fantastic start!!!! Great job 🙂
1. Why can’t you help around the house more?
I need help around the house, so can you help me with some of this housework? I do appreciate your helping with this.
2. You said you would take care of this. It’s still not done?
I notice that this has not been done. Can you help me remember what we discussed about this so we can figure out how to get this done?
3. I don’t know why Bambi said that. She always gives the wrong information.
I know that Bambi said that. Bambi does like to give fast answers. She and I are talking about how to work on problems and thinking things through before coming to a conclusion.
4. What do you want me to do about it? It’s not even my job.
I know we have talked about our different jobs and duties, but I do not remember this one. Do you need me to help you on this job?
5. Will you stop being so negative? You’re really bringing me down!
I know, I know. I really try to be upbeat and positive, and usually in the mornings I really have to work hard on doing this. I hope the rest of the day goes well. Let’s try to see if we can both have a good rest of the day.
1. I would really love it if you could help more around the house. Would it be helpful to you if we made a list of the items we prefer to do over those we put at the bottom of the list, compare notes and split the ones we like least?
1. (alternative) Whenever I think about housework, I’m reminded of that song on “Free to Be You and Me.” It made me laugh when she said those people on TV scrubbing, mopping, and waxing with a smile were all actresses, paid to smile and scrub. I would smile more if I had help with the housework. Could you make the time to help more around the house?
2. Could you update me on where you are on the project? If you are having trouble completing it, let me know so I can get you the resources you need to meet the deadline.
3. I think Bambi may have misunderstood the assignment. In the future, could we discuss the assignments together to make sure we all have the same understanding?
4. Although its outside my area of expertise, how can I help you?
5. I appreciate your frustration but I think if we emphasize the positive rather than the negative, we would be more energized and get more done.
1. Why can’t you help around the house more?
I appreciate any additional help you can provide around the house. Would you be willing to ….?
2. You said you would take care of this. It’s still not done?
Can you update me on the status of ….?
3. I don’t know why Bambi said that. She always gives the wrong information.
That is not my understanding. Let me follow up with Bambi and get a better understanding of what she is thinking.
4. What do you want me to do about it? It’s not even my job.
Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I will take your concerns to the appropriate person who is able to address them.
5. Will you stop being so negative? You’re really bringing me down!
Let’s change the energy we’re bringing to this issue and focus the positive. I find that usually helps me be more productive.
1.Why can’t you help around the house more?
Will you have time this weekend to do some housework together? I could use your help so we can have some extra time to take the kids on an outing.
2.You said you would take care of this. It’s still not done?
Can I help you get started on that project we discussed last week?
3.I don’t know why Bambi said that. She always gives the wrong information.
I’m sorry if I was a little unclear in explaining this to her and you got the wrong message. What I meant to say was…
4.What do you want me to do about it? It’s not even my job.
That sounds frustrating! I can understand your concern.
5.Will you stop being so negative? You’re really bringing me down!
It sounds like you have many things weighing on your mind. One way that I’ve helped myself when I feel down is to write 3 pages non-stop without editing. It helps me to get an emotional release and then I usually feel lighter afterwards.